No matter when it happens, losing a parent changes you. Their absence is felt in both life's ordinary moments and its biggest milestones.

The death of a parent is often more than the loss of someone you love. Parent loss can also reshape a person’s sense of identity and belonging. For adults, the loss can bring an unexpected shift in family roles such as caring for a surviving parent or becoming the oldest generation in the family.

Every parent-child relationship is unique, and so is every experience of grief. Whether your relationship was close, complicated, or somewhere in between, the loss of a parent often leaves a lasting imprint that changes over time. Some people grieve a parent they were deeply connected to. Others grieve the relationship they wish they had. Feelings of sadness, anger, relief, guilt, or even numbness can all be part of the grieving process. 

Some common experiences of parent loss in adulthood include: 

• A change your sense of identity, even well into adulthood
• Feeling like you've lost the person who knew you the longest.
• Feeling like the world feel less secure, no matter your age.
• Finding milestones heavy, such as marriages, becoming a parent, buying a home, or retiring.
• Wanting to call your parent long after they're gone.
• An increased awareness of your own mortality.

While every person's experience is different, many adults are surprised by how deeply the loss of a parent affects them, even years after becoming independent. The grief may involve shifts in identity, changes in family roles, or simply learning to navigate life without the person you've always turned to. For a thoughtful look at the unique experience of losing a parent as an adult, Our House Grief Support Center offers an excellent resource: Adult Death of a Parent.

What to Know About Grief

Grief looks different for everyone. The Hospice Foundation of America emphasizes that there is no single timeline or "right" way to grieve. While every person's experience is unique, these reminders can be helpful:

• Grief doesn’t follow a predictable path 
• Grief never truly disappears
• Your grief style is not a measure of your love for the person who died.

Finding Support for Parent Loss

Local support in Los Angeles:

OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center

OUR HOUSE Grief Support Groups are specific to the age of the griever, length of time since the death, and the relationship to the person who died.

We Are LA Too

We are LA Too offers groups for adults who've lost a parent or close family member. Entry is offered on a sliding scale basis. 

Assisted Hospice Care Bereavement Program

Assisted Hospice Care offers grief counseling, telephone support, personal Mailings, and bereavement Support groups to both family members of patients and the general public. 

Torrance Memorial Hospice Bereavement Support 

These are free 6-week groups, open to the entire community, not just families of their hospice patients.

Self-Directed Support 

• Download a grief support app, like the Grief App 
• Explore resources at the Center for Loss & Life Transition 
• Pollen Care :Pollen provides comprehensive end-of-life support services for families, including guidance for children navigating grief. Their curated collection of children’s grief literature helps young people understand loss through stories and age-appropriate language.

Books 

The Orphaned Adult by Alexander Levy: A classic resource on the experience of parent loss in adulthood.

Healing the Adult Child's Grieving Heart by Alan Wolfelt: Short, practical, one idea per page.

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner: memoir, very accessible for a general reader.

Blogs

Modern Loss: Candid essays, started by two women who lost parents.

Podcasts

What's Your Grief: general grief education, well-produced.
Grief Uncensored: hosted by two women grieving their own parents.

While nothing can take away the pain of losing a parent, having conversations about end-of-life wishes before a loss occurs can ease some of the burden families carry. Knowing your parent's preferences can reduce uncertainty and allow you to spend more time focusing on one another rather than making difficult decisions during a time of grief.

A special thanks to Michaelene Dowers of Pollen Care for helping recommend resources.